i had a great birthday...got a great new dress and shoes, went out with a group of friends that were not the ones i was expecting to show up and got really drunk, and was in a great mood...he didn't show up, and i asked him for clarification.  and it was what i expected, and was ignoring, which is that he just wants a platonic relationship...it made me sad, but also makes me glad that he still wants to be friends with me even though he's seen the crazy girl me that i turn in to when i like someone...i really like him, and he's someone that i want to know, in whatever context he's willing to know me...even though i know it's going to take a lon time for me to move past this...

happy birthday to me!!!

harry took me out to birthday breakfast...and i hope he knows how much that means to me.  drinks with stephen at midnight, breakfast with harry, and a whole year of amazing ahead of me...

and i finally got to give him his christmas presents...which makes me very very happy!  when i hang out with him i feel like a giddy school girl.  i can't stop smiling, and even when i say something stupid i don't feel stupid, because he just continues the conversation without seeming to notice...being around him just makes my day better...

silence...

i wish i hadn't liked harry so much :( correction:...i wish i didn't STILL like harry so much...my inability to just back the fuck off sucks. it feels like so much time is passing when i can't stop thinking about someone, and am spending so much time alone...only it's barely any time at all...and it makes me seem like a crazy person...needy and desperate.

new years resolutions

i will not be texting anyone with a y chromosome unless they text me first...